I would love to meet you. Where? When?
So I suppose she's carrying a copy of a book with a flower in it?
Not really?
She could be a real dog, man.
I'm only staying 10 minutes.
I'll say hello, have a cup of coffee and then I'll split.
Hope she doesn't have a squeaky voice like the mice in Cinderella.
Why am I doing this? Why am I compelled to meet her?
Relax. Y ou're taking it to the next level.
I always do that.
I always take a relationship to the next level.
If that works out, I take it to the next level after that.
Till I reach that level where it becomes absolutely necessary...
...for me to leave.
I won't stay that long anyway. I already said that, didn't I?
Y es, you did.
Café Lalo. This is it.
Eight o'clock. We got here fast, didn't we?
Kevin...
...this woman is the most adorable creature.
If she turns out even to be as good-looking as a mailbox...
...I'd be crazy not to turn my life upside down and marry her.
She could be a real dog.
But good luck.
Would you go and look for me?
Go look through the window and check her out. Please?
All right.
Y ou're pathetic, man.
I'll see what I see.
Y ou see her?
Wait, yeah.
I see a very beautiful girl.
She's fine.
- I knew it. - She's gorgeous.
I knew she would be.
But no book.
All right.
Okay, wait. Wait a minute.
There's a book with a flower. So this got to be her.
What does she look like?
Can't see. Waiter's blocking.
Damn it!
He's moving.
Can you see her?
Y eah.
And?
She's very pretty.
She is!
I knew she would be! She had to be!
Y ou know what?
She look...
I mean, she almost has the same coloring as...
...that Kathleen Kelly person.
Kathleen Kelly of the bookstore?
Why not? Y ou said you thought she was attractive.
Absolutely. Why not? Who cares about Kathleen Kelly?
Well, if you don't like Kathleen Kelly...
...I can tell you right now...
...you won't like this girl.
Why not?
Because it is Kathleen Kelly.
What are you going to do?
Nothing.
Y ou're going to let her wait all night?
That's exactly what I'm going to do.
Good night. I'll see you in the morning.
Do you mind if I borrow this chair?
Y es, I mind. Sorry.
I'm expecting someone.
Would you like another tea?
Y es. Thank you.
This is a coincidence. Would you mind if I sat down?
Y es, I would, actually. I'm expecting someone.
Pride and Prejudice.
Do you mind?
I bet you read that book every year. I bet you just love that...
...Mr. Darcy.
Y our sentimental heart beats wildly at the thought he and...
...whatever her name is are truly, honestly going to end up together.
Can I get you something?
He's not staying.
Mochaccino decaf, nonfat.
Y ou are not staying!
I'll stay until your friend gets here.
Is he late?
The heroine of Pride and Prejudice is Elizabeth Bennet.
She is a great and complex character. Not that you would know.
As a matter of fact, I've read it.
Good for you.
Y ou'd discover a lot if you really knew me.
I know what I'd find.
Instead of a brain, a cash register. Instead of a heart, a bottom line.
What?
- I just had a breakthrough. - What is it?
For the first time, when confronted with a horrible person...
...I knew what I wanted to say, and I said it.
Y ou have a gift for it. That's a perfect blend of poetry and meanness.
Let me tell you about meanness.
Don't misunderstand. I'm paying you a compliment.
What are you doing?
Is this a red rose? No, it's a crimson rose.
Something you read in a book.
It's funny to you, isn't it? Everything is a joke to you.
Please leave.
Please leave, I beg you.
Thank you.
That hanky reminds me of the first day I met you.
First day you lied to me.
- I didn't lie. - Y ou did too.
- No, I didn't. - Y es, you did.
Y ou did too.
I thought that Fox stuff was so charming. F-O-X.
I didn't lie about it.
"Just call me Joe."
Sure.
As if you were a stupid 22-year-old girl with no last name.
"Hi, I'm Kimberly." "Hi, I'm Janice."
It's like they're an entire generation of cocktail waitresses.
Look.
- I am not a cocktail waitress. - That's not what I meant.
What I said about Price Club, that's not what I meant.
Y ou poor, sad multimillionaire. I feel so sorry for you.
I'll take a wild guess that's not him, either.
So who is he, I wonder?
Certainly not the world's greatest expert...
...on Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.
But somebody else entirely different.
Will you be mean to him too?
No, I will not.
The man who is coming here is completely unlike you.
The man who is coming here is kind and funny.
He's got a wonderful sense of humor.
But...
...he's not here.
If he's not, he has a reason...
...because there is not a cruel or careless bone in his body.
I wouldn't expect you to understand.
Y ou, with your theme park, homogenize-the-world mochaccinoland.
Y ou think you're a benefactor bringing books to the masses.
But no one will ever remember you.
And maybe no one will remember me.
But plenty of people remember my mother.
They think she was fine.
They think her store was something special.
Y ou are nothing but a suit.
That's my cue.
Good night.
So then the agent asks for $600,000 and I said to her:
"If you think I'm even going to talk...
...about paying that kind of advance for an author...
...whose last book is being used as trivets all over the world...
...you are completely crazy."
She was insulting, and the only thing pleasant about her...
...was the way her hair fell across her forehead.
Underneath that disagreeable exterior, she may be...
A real bitch!
Let's not talk about it. I'm sure you have work to do.
Not really.
This place is a well-oiled machine, my friend.
So? What happened?
- He never came. - He stood you up.
I wouldn't characterize it that way. I think something happened.
Something unexpected that made it impossible for him to...
What if he showed up, took one look at me and left?
Not possible.
Maybe there was a subway accident.
Absolutely!
A train got trapped underground with him inside.
And no phone.
And you know how those express trains create suction.
He got sucked onto the tracks.
The third rail.
He's toast!
What happened?
He was unable to make it.
He stood you up?
Maybe he had a car accident. Those cab drivers are maniacs.
They hit something and you slam into that plastic partition.
Or his elbows could be in splints, so he couldn't dial.
Or he could be unconscious.
In a coma.
Stuck in intensive care.
With a heart monitor beeping.
And like...
No phone.
What are you saying?
It could be.
He was arrested near the café.
Is there a picture?
That explains it.
He was in jail.
And there was a phone.
He only got one call, so he called his lawyer.
Y ou are so lucky!
Y ou could be dead.
He couldn't be the Rooftop Killer!
Remember when you thought Frank might be the Unabomber?
That was different.
How long did you sit there alone?
Not long. Joe Fox came in.
I don't want to talk about it. Let's get to work.
There's got to be something to do.
- Look at this. - He looks kind of cute.
So?
He was unavoidably detained.
He stood you up?
I've been thinking about you.
Last night I went to meet you, and you weren 't there.
I wish I knew why. I felt so foolish.
As I waited, someone else showed up.
A man who has made my professional life a misery.
And an amazing thing happened.
I was able, for the first time...
...to say the exact thing I wanted to say...
...at the exact moment I wanted to say it.
And of course, afterwards I felt terrible...
...just as you said I would.
I was cruel, and I'm never cruel.
Though I hardly believe what I said mattered to this man.
To him, I am just a bug to be crushed.
But what if it did?
No matter what he's done to me, there is no excuse for my behavior.
Anyway...
...I so wanted to talk to you.
I hope you have a reason for not coming.
You don 't seem like the kind of person who 'd do that.
The thing about this form of communication...
...is you're likely to talk about nothing.
But I just want to say...
...all this nothing has meant more to me than so many...
...somethings.
So, thanks.
Goodbye.
I am in...
...Vancouver.
I was stuck in a meeting which I couldn 't get out of...
...and...
...the electricity went out.
And...
...we were trapped...
...on the 38th floor.
And the telephone system blew too.
Amazingly enough.
Dear friend:
I cannot tell you what happened last night.
But I beg you from the bottom of my heart...
...to forgive me for not being there.
For what happened.
I feel terrible that you found yourself in a situation...
...that caused you additional pain.
But I'm absolutely sure...
...that whatever you said last night was provoked.
Even deserved.
Everyone says things they regret when they're stressed.
You were expecting to see someone you trusted...
...and met the enemy instead.
The fault is mine.
Someday I'll explain everything.
Meanwhile...
...I'm still here.
Talk to me.
Did he say he wanted to meet you again?
No, not really. It doesn't matter.
We'll be like George Bernard Shaw and Mrs. Campbell.
We'll write letters our whole lives.
Thank you for the scones. They look lovely.
Birdie, where was this one taken?
Seville.
When you fell madly in love?
So, dearie, what have you decided to do?
Close. We're going to close.
Close.
Closing the store is the brave thing to do.
Y ou are such a liar.
But thank you.
Y ou are daring to imagine that you could have a different life.
I know it doesn't feel like that. Y ou feel like a big failure.
But you're not.
Y ou are marching into the unknown, armed with...
...nothing.
Have a sandwich.
Not nothing.
I have a little money saved.
If you need more, ask me. I'm very rich.
I bought Intel at six.
I suppose you want me to tell you who it was...
...I fell madly in love with.
I'm not going to tell.
Who was it?
Come on, tell. That's so mean.
But so romantic.
- It wasn't meant to be. - Why not?
He ran Spain.
Spain?
The country, he ran it. It was his job.
And then he died.
Just as well.
Milk or lemon?
She fell in love with Generalissimo Franco.
We don't know that for sure.
Who else could it have been? It was around 1960.
- Do you want popcorn? - I can't believe this!
It's not like he was something normal, like a socialist or an anarchist.
It happened in Spain.
People do stupid things in foreign countries.
They buy leather jackets for more than they're worth.
But they don't fall in love with fascist dictators.
Birdie is a very special person to me.
She is practically my surrogate mother.
- She's out of her mind. - She is not!
I could never be with anybody who doesn't take politics seriously.
Do you mind?
A hot dog is singing.
Y ou need quiet while a hot dog is singing?
I have something to tell you.
I didn't vote.
What?
In the last mayoral election...
...when Rudy Giuliani was running against Ruth Messinger...
...I went to get a manicure.
And forgot to vote.
Since when do you get manicures?
I suppose you could never be with a woman who got manicures?
It's okay. I forgive you.
Y ou forgive me?
Excuse me, I'm sorry. Excuse me.
This has been a big week. Y ou're closing the store.
It's not that. Really, it's not.
I know, I know. That was terrible of me.
What was terrible?
Jumping all over you when I'm the one...
I don't even know how to say this.
What is it?
What?
Y ou're a wonderful person.
So are you.
And I'm so honored that you'd want to be with me...
...because you wouldn't be with anyone who wasn't truly worthy.
I feel exactly the same way.
Don't say that. That makes it worse.
What?
Y ou don't love me.
Me either.
Y ou don't love me?
No.
But we're so right for each other.
I know!
Well, is there someone else?
That woman on television, Sidney Ann.
Nothing has happened, but...
Is she a Republican?
I can't help myself.
What about you?
Is there someone else?
No, but...
But there is the dream of someone else.
Grab a copy of The Trumpet of the Swan.
This is a tragedy.
- These chairs for sale? - Anything not nailed down.
Ten dollars, it's yours.
What are you going to do now?
I think I'll take some time. I'm almost looking forward to it.
Good luck to you.
I came here every Saturday when I was little.
I remember when your mother gave me Anne of Green Gables.
"Read it with a box of Kleenex," she told me.
- Could someone help me? - She's looking down on you now.
I'm sure she is.
Why don't we bomb Fox Books?
Do you have...
...the "shoe" books?
Who's the author?
I don't know.
My friend said my daughter has to read the "shoe" books, so here I am.
Noel Streatfeild.
Noel Streatfeild wrote Ballet Shoes and Skating Shoes...
...and Theatre Shoes...
...and Dancing Shoes and...
I'd start with Ballet Shoes. It's my favorite.
Although Skating Shoes is completely wonderful.
But it's out of print.
Streatfeild. How do you spell that?
S-T-R-E-A-T-F-E-l-L-D.
Thank you.
Kathleen Kelly. It was like her name was in the air.
Just like that?
Everyone was talking about her today. Kathleen Kelly and her "situation."
And I was thinking that she'd make a great children's book editor.
What makes you think that?
Well...
...she knows everything.
She has flawless taste. She's famous for it.
Salesmen swear by her. If she likes the book, it sells.
Period!
Y ou're going to offer her a job?
What else has she got to do?
- Now that she's destitute. - Thanks to you.
- I don't see her working for you. - Why not?
She lacks the killer instinct.
She's never fired anybody. Look at that little shop.
Those people have been there forever.
Till recently, when they all lost their jobs.
Thanks to you.
Hold the elevator!
Hello, Charlie.
I love how you've forgotten you had any role in her current situation.
It's so obtuse.
It's so insensitive.
Reminds me of someone.
Who does it remind me of?
Me!
What is going on?
Could be stuck.
What are you doing?
I hope it doesn't plummet.
Can it do that?
It cannot plummet to the basement.
Hi, this is Joe Fox. Who's this?
Juan?
We are stuck in the elevator between the sixth and seventh floor.
There's four of us.
If you don't get your ass up here now...
...and get us the hell out of here...!
Listen.
Call the super and then 9-1-1.
9-1-1.
The fire department, that's right.
Thank you very much.
We should jump in the air.
What?
We jump.
The elevator thinks no one is here and it opens.
One...
...two...
...three. Jump!
If I get out of here...
...I'm going to start speaking to my momma.
Wonder what she's doing right this minute?
If I ever get out of here...
...I'm marrying Orit.
I love her.
I should marry her. I don't know what's stopping me.
If I ever get out of here, I'm having my eyes lasered.
If I ever get out...
Where are my Tic-Tacs?
What?
I came home tonight and got into the elevator.
An hour later, I got out of the elevator...
...and Brinkley and I moved out.
Suddenly everything had become clear.
It's a long story...
...full of the personal details we avoid.
Let me just say...
...there was a man in the elevator with me...
...who knew exactly what he wanted.
I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he.
People are always telling you that change is a good thing.
All they're saying is that something you didn 't want to happen...
...has happened.
My store is closing this week.
I own a store.
Did I ever tell you that?
It's a lovely store.
In a week it will be something depressing...
...like a Baby Gap.
Soon we'll just be a memory.
Some foolish person will think it's a tribute to this city.
The way it keeps changing on you, or the way you can never count on it.
I know because that's something I'd say.
But the truth is...
...I'm heartbroken.
I feel as if a part of me has died...
...and my mother has died all over again.
And no one can ever make it right.
What happened?
Oh, hell!
How are you?
Dad, you did pretty well. At least you didn't marry her.
Welcome aboard.
It lasted a while.
Y ou know...
...I've stayed on this boat after...
...let's see...
...your mother.
Laurette, the ballet dancer.
My nanny.
She was the nanny?
I forgot that.
How ironic!
Then there was the ice skater.
Also my nanny.
Really?
That's amazingly ironic!
And then there was Sybil.
It's an "A" word.
Astrologer.
Exactly.
Whose moon turned out to be in someone else's house.
Just like Gillian.
Gillian ran off with someone?
The nanny.
Nanny Maureen?
Gillian ran off with Nanny Maureen.
Y ou got it!
It's incredibly ironic.
That's true.
No other word for it.
Well, who's better than us?
Father and son, together at last.
Who did you say you broke up with?
Patricia.
Y ou met her.
Would I like her?
Just kidding, son.
Now, is this beautiful or what?
I'll be living out of a suitcase for at least 3 weeks.
And then there's the inevitable legal hassle.
More of your inheritance down the drain.
Don't worry about it.
I won't.
I just have to meet someone new. That's the easy part.
Right, yeah.
A snap to find the one person in the world who fills your heart with joy.
Don't be ridiculous.
Have I ever been with anybody who fit that description?
Have you?
Who is it?
It's Joe Fox.
What are you doing here?
May I please come up?
No, I don 't...
No, I don 't really think that that is a good idea, because...
...I have a...
...I have a terrible...
...cold.
Can you hear that?
I'm sniffling, and I'm not really awake.
I'm taking echinacea and vitamin C and sleeping practically...
...24 hours a day. I have a temperature.
And I think I'm contagious. So I would...
...I would really appreciate it if you'd just go away.
Just a second!
Y es, just a second.
What are you doing here?
I heard you were sick.
And I was worried.
I wanted to make sure...
Is there somebody here?
It's the Home Shopping Network.
Y ou buy any of those porcelain dolls?
I was thinking about it.
- Y ou put me out of business. - Y es, I did.
Did you come to gloat?
- To offer me a job? - I would never...
I have plenty of offers. I got offered a job by...
- By my former... - y our former?
We broke up.
That's too bad. Y ou were so perfect for each other.
I don't mean to say things like that. No matter what you've done...
...there's no excuse for my saying that.
Every time I see you...
Things like that just fly out.
I brought you flowers.
Thank you.
Why don't I put these in water?
Y ou're sick. Y ou should sit down.
I need a vase.
Above the refrigerator.
There it is. Obviously.
George says hello, by the way.
He told me you were sick.
How is George?
Great, really great.
He's revolutionizing the place.
Y ou can't work in his department...
...unless you have a Ph.D. In Children's Literature.
I love daisies.
Y ou told me.
They're so friendly.
Don't you think daisies are the friendliest flower?
I do.
When did you break up?
Couple of weeks ago.
Everyone is breaking up. Y ou. Me.
This other person broke up with someone in an elevator.
Or after it, or just outside it, or...
It got stuck.
When I saw you at the coffee place, I was waiting for him.
And I was...
Charming.
I was not charming.
Y ou looked charming. Tea?
I was upset and horrible.
Honey?
I was the horrible one.
Well, that's true.
But I have no excuse.
I see what you're saying.
That's interesting.
I am a horrible person...
...therefore I have no choice but to be horrible.
That's what you're saying. But that's all right.
I put you out of business, so...
...you're entitled to hate me.
I don't hate you.
But you'll never forgive me.
Just like Elizabeth.
Who?
Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice.
She was too proud.
I thought you hated Pride and Prejudice.
Or was she too prejudiced...
...and Mr. Darcy is too proud?
I can't remember.
It wasn't personal.
What is that supposed to mean? I'm so sick of that!
All that means is that it wasn't personal to you.
But it was personal to me.
It's personal to a lot of people.
What is so wrong with being personal anyway?
Nothing.
Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.
My head is starting to get fuzzy.
Why did you stop by again? I forget.
I wanted to be your friend.
I knew it wasn't possible.
Sometimes a guy just wants the impossible.
Can I ask you a question?
What?
What happened with that guy at the café?
Nothing.
But you're crazy about him?
Y es, I am.
Why don't you run off with him? What are you waiting for?
I don't actually know him.
Really?
I only know him through...
y ou won't believe this.
Let me guess.
Through the Internet?
"Y ou've got mail."
Those are powerful words.
I'm happy for him.
Although...
Could I just make a suggestion?
What?
I think...
...you should meet him.
Wait, I take that back.
Why would you meet somebody you're crazy about?
I hardly think I need to take advice from a person who...
I can see I bring out the worst in you.
Let me help you to not say something...
...you'll torture yourself about for years to come.
I hope you feel better soon.
It'd be a shame to miss New y ork in the spring.
Thank you for the daisies.
Y ou take care.
I will.
Goodbye.
I've been thinking about this...
...and I think we should meet.
We should meet.
And we will meet.
But I'm in the middle of a project that needs...
...tweaking.
Some tweaking?
A project that needed...
..."tweaking."
- That's what he said. - T-W-E-A-K-l-N-G?
It sounds to me like he's married.
Three kids.
That's a terrible thing to say. He couldn't be married.
How do you know?
Have you said, "Are you married?"
No, I'm not going to...
I know this is a little late to be asking but...
...are you married?
Am I married?
What kind of question is that?
How can you ask me that? Don 't you know me at all?
Wait, I get it.
Your friends are saying the reason we haven 't met is I'm married.
Am I right?
He didn't answer.
Y es, he did.
- He did not. - He did!
He did. He nailed me.
He knew what I was after which is, by the way, exactly like him.
He did not answer the question, did he?
Maybe he's fat.
He's fat. He's a fatty.
I don't care.
Y ou don't care that he's so fat...
...he has to be removed from his house by a crane.
That is very unlikely.
That is completely ridiculous.
What's his handle?
I'm not going to write him.
Y ou think I'm going to e-mail him?
All right, N-y-1-5-2.
N-y-1-5-2?
He's 152 years old.
He's had 152 moles removed...
...so now he's got 152 pockmarks on his...
...on his face.
The number of people who think he looks like Clark Gable.
152 people who think he looks like a Clark Bar.
- Why'd I even tell you? - 152 stitches from his nose job.
The number of his souvenir shot glasses...
...that he's collected in his travels.
His address.
No, he would never do anything that prosaic.
The only thing I really care about is that...
...aside from the married thing and the jail thing...
...is the boat thing.
What boat thing?
I could never be with someone who had a boat.
I have a boat.
Which clinches it. We'll never be together.
- How many? - Three.
- Allow me. - Thank you.
I could never be with someone who likes Joni Mitchell.
"It's cloud's illusions I recall. I really don't know clouds at all."
What does that mean? Is she a pilot?
It must be a metaphor, but I don't know what it is.
How's your book coming?
There's this children's book editor I know.
She's excited to read it when I'm finished.
Who would have thought that I would write?
If I hadn't had all this time...
- y ou know what? - What?
The truth is he was the one who got me thinking about writing.
Mr. 152 Felony Indictments.
Mr. 152 Insights Into My Soul.
No competing with that.
I keep on bumping into you.
Hope your mango's ripe.
I think it is.
Y ou want to bump into me...
...on Saturday around lunchtime?
Over there?
How about meeting...
...Saturday?
Four o 'clock.
There's a place in Riverside Park...
...where the path curves and there's a garden.
Brinkley and I will be waiting.
Okay, let's do it.
Ready? And...
There it goes!
Today?
I know. In Riverside Park.
That would mean he's a Westsider.
Maybe I've seen him and don't even know it.
Y ou could have seen him every day.
It's possible.
- He could be anyone. - He could be that guy.
And those flowers are for you.
- Could be the Zipper Man. - Who's that?
The Zipper Man.
Who is that?
He repairs zippers on Amsterdam Avenue.
Will you cut it out?
Y ou'd never have to buy new luggage.
The timing here is everything. He's waited until you're primed.
See?
Until you are absolutely convinced that there's no other man...
...that you could possibly love.
Y ou know, sometimes I wonder.
What?
If I hadn't been Fox Books...
...and you hadn't been The Shop Around The Corner...
...and you and I had just met.
I know.
I'd have asked for your number.
I wouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling and saying:
"How about some coffee...
...or drinks or dinner...
...or a movie...
...for as long as we both shall live."
Y ou and I would never have been at war.
The only thing we'd fight about would be which video to rent.
Who fights about that?
Some people.
Not us.
We would never.
If only.
- I got to go. - Let me ask you something.
How can you forgive this guy for standing you up...
...and not forgive me for this tiny little thing...
...of putting you out of business?
How I wish you would.
I really have to go.
Y ou don't want to be late.
Don't cry, Shopgirl.
Don't cry.
I wanted it to be you.
I wanted it to be you so badly.